I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
