i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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