i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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