True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
