I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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