Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
