normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
nutella sex= disaster
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
