Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
