I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
