just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Randomize
