YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
