I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
