I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
