Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
she told me i tasted like america
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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