So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
We left the knife in your bed.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
