I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
