reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Randomize
