You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
All the doctor said was why
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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