I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
