Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
