Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
