I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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