Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
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