You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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