i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
