My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
