Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
We had sex on a dog bed..
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
