I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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