I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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