you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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