I think I just saw someone hide a body.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
