My nipple is on Facebook.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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