you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
