ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
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