Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
