I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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