Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
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