put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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