oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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