Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
