it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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