His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Randomize
