saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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