it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
