Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
