i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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