She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Randomize
