Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
