I think my vagina is haunted
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
