Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
