Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
