the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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