i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
