So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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