It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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