Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
