can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
