It's like a parade of train wrecks.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
