my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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